breakfast and fast breaks

Staff Note: I love the bacon-flavored barb at the end. Bravo!

I love bacon. The way it crackles in the pan - there’s no sweeter sound to wake up to. And the smell, man, does it ever make my mouth water. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day because of bacon.

My smile is a reflection of the face I’m completing on the plate, with two freshly cooked strips of bacon for a mouth, a pair of sunny-side-up eggs for eyes, and two perfectly browned slices of toast for oversized ears. I set the meal onto a tray, beside the glass of orange juice that’s supposed to resemble the sun on this fine summer morning. A sense of pride fills me as I carry the creation into my bedroom, whistling all the way.

“Morning,” I say as she stirs from her sleep. “This is for you.” The smile slapped thick across my lips is sweeter than maple syrup. She sits up and blinks a few times, visibly confused.

“I told you last night that I’m a vegetarian.”

“Oh. Shit…” I frown and start to apologize. “I guess - you know - I guess I forgot.”

“It’s alright.” She kicks off the sheets, annoyed. “I have to be somewhere anyways.”

As she covers her bare breasts with my blanket and gathers her things, I invert the smile on the plate so that the face looks sad.

But of course I remembered she was a vegetarian.

It’s just that passive-aggression never tasted so damn good.